Monthly Archives: February 2017

Avoiding A Facebook Confrontation

Everyone be proud of me: I am posting this here instead of on the actual Facebook thread because I just know it would start some shit.
To Mrs. R, whose post was:

What the actual fuck is wrong with you people? Monitoring what our children do on the internet is “abuse”? Sorry, but no. It doesn’t work like that. In a day and age where kids stupidly believe that anyone they talk to is telling the truth and they stupidly agree to meet up with these “kids” they met online? I’m going to absolutely monitor what my child does on the computer. Because unlike just about all of you, I would rather not end up having to report my child missing because he was kidnapped by a child predator.

Also; Children don’t have the right to privacy. Sorry to burst that little bubble of yours, but there’s no law saying that a parent can’t look at what their children do online. What you are all advocating for is for children to be completely unmonitored. You know what that has lead to? Things like this:…/breck-bednar-murder…

Wanting to protect our children from things like this is not abuse. It’s what parents DO. My parents did it, and I’m going to do it with my child as well.

I will start by saying that this isn’t me claiming that you, as a parent, are wrong. This is me, as a child who experienced this, telling you what it can result in. You do something like this to keep your child safe and it seems very simple. However, your child doesn’t see it as you keeping them safe; you violated their trust. If you did it once you’ll do it again, and this renders you Not Safe. My own mother did this. It laid the foundation for a metric fuckton of trust issues. She became Not Safe, she became the stick by which I measured Safety. You know who I went to when Mother pulled this? My online friends.
Also, I would caution against ever telling your children that they have no right to privacy. It isn’t a bubble to be burst; that’s a big thing. Children are not their parents’ possessions, they are their own people. They are people. There is no law saying you have to hug your kids, either, but it’s generally considered neglectful or abusive if you don’t show them affection. I suppose it depends on how you do it, but when Mother told me that I had no right to privacy, what I heard, was, “You don’t matter.” Being told you don’t matter, whether it was meant or not, really messes someone up. You want to push your kid away? You want to alienate them? Tell them they don’t matter. That is your “little bubble” and once you break it you can’t fix it. It is not something that we grow up to understand. This is not something we eventually get over and forgive you for. It creates trust issues and these trust issues will extend into every single relationship we have. “If the person who claims to love me more than anything in the world would do this sort of thing to me, why wouldn’t someone else do it?” I don’t trust my mother, I don’t trust my father. Why? Because they have proven that they are not worthy of trust.
I hope your children count you among their closest friends and confidants. I truly do. I also hope that you step on a Lego, so there’s that.