The Word “Fuck”

I am an English major, so I actually spend time thinking about this shit.

There are nine parts of speech in the English language: Nouns, Pronouns, Verbs, Adjectives, Adverbs, Interjections, Conjunctions, Prepositions, and Articles. The word “fuck” can function as all of these things (if you squint).

Because I’m an English major I deal a lot with writing. We focus on vocabulary and grammar and punctuation and shit, so I know at least twenty other words that could be used for each part of speech instead of “fuck.” In some cases I know double that.

All of this being said, I still prefer “fuck.” ^_^

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Things I Heard In My Editing Class

My editing class has progressed to actual editing, now. We are editing things from two of our school’s journals and something else. I’m not sure where that one came from but it’s entertaining, at least…

“This person wrote s-o-u-l-d. That is not a word. They used it twice and the context doesn’t make sense. What are they trying to say?!

“Is a stack still a stack if there’s something in the middle?”
“No, that’s like a pancake sandwich with eggs in the middle.”
“Dammit, now I want pancakes…”

“This bimbo put all these commas all up in here! There is no need for them! Did Shatner write this?!”

“This person’s missing a source. They’re missing two sources. They’re missing– Dammit! Where are the sources?”

“I don’t know who this is but I’m gonna slap a hoe!”

“This person used the word ‘individual’ seventeen times in four pages.”
“Seventeen individual times!”
“STOP IT.”

“Is this a different size font?” *staring intently at page* “It isn’t a different size font, it’s an entirely different font.”

“What’s the signal for ‘two minute warning?’ I haven’t watched football in forever…”
“I think the question ‘what’s the signal for two minute warning’ is the signal for two minute warning in this case.”

Yarn Problems

I really want to start a new crochet project, but I already have something like ten in the works. Logically I know that I should finish at least one of them before I begin another project. At this moment, I have:

  1. A shawl/jacket thing for my mother-in-law
  2. A pair of baby booties (they are apparently harder than I thought)
  3. A sweater I’m attempting to make for my eldest little brother
  4. A headband for my husband
  5. A scarf for another brother
  6. A scarf for no one in particular, but I loved the colors too much to not make it
  7. A hat for Grandpa
  8. A pair of slippers for a friend

Okay, so not ten project. Eight projects. I should finish one before I start another. But the patterns are just so damn pretty…

Fending Off the Cat

Cat tries to tip over my fries so she can lick the salt off them:
Me: Nope, you’re going to make a mess, here’s a single tiny fry, go nuts.

Cat tries to eat my burger:
Me: Nope, that has ketchup on it, it’ll mAKE YOU SICK STOP THAT!!!

Cat tries to lick the milk off the rim of my glass:
Me: YOU ARE LACTOSE INTOLERANT STOP THAT!!!!